You’re here again, and I’m not surprised. When you’re not here, I am surprised.
I feel as though I’m always supposed to be fighting an uphill battle. So when I’m not, and things are flowing smoothly, I’m a bit surprised. What is this feeling…..it lacks worry and depression? Oh yes, that’s right it’s the feeling of content. It’s a bit of happiness. It’s a reminder that I am not my mental illness and my mental illness does not own me.
Our hearts would not break if we were not capable of resiliency. Our minds would not crumble if we were not capable of being resilient. It is in these times where we have the final say. I will continue.
Running is the perfect metaphor for living a life with mental illness. Running reminds me that I can do difficult things. It tells me that not everything will be easy, and it’s a reminder that time is needed in order to heal. I have learned the value of breaking barriers and breaking down. So while things may hurt, you are improving. Each time you lace up you are giving yourself the opportunity of taking scattered pieces and gluing them back together as you put one foot in front of the other. You must repeat the process in order to move forward and find the beauty of becoming brand new again. And so, each time you set a new goal or find a new race you are giving yourself the chance to become brand new. And each morning that you wake up and say I will continue to beat this illness you are giving yourself the chance to realize the beauty in becoming brand new again.
As I look ahead at the months to come I will acknowledge the challenges my depression hands me, but I will also embrace myself while I acknowledge the sad. I will create and meet new goals while finding fresh inspiration. There will be stormy skies but there will also be sunshine and rainbows. I will celebrate everything. I will find time and ways to feel content. I will ignore the destination, and rather explore the journey.