Depression isn’t sadness. It is not dissatisfaction with life. It’s not an excuse for anything. It’s not a choice or a decision or a reason for being lazy. There are a million things depression is not – and only one thing depression is: depression is a sickness
I have learned that happiness comes in waves, you will lose it again and it will find you again. When I hurt I don’t even know where exactly I hurt – it’s just a dull dry ache of the soul and in the heart. I am learning to become so comfortable in my discomfort that it is a challenge to ascertain how it truly feels.
Some may see me withdrawn, anti-social, avoiding others and activities – I see myself as someone who has learned to recognize my limits and take care of myself first. Since I have returned to work, it has taken so much effort on my part and drained me in other ways, in turn, requiring me to take more time to myself more often. I need to be reset and refreshed more often than the regular person. As my full time to work approaches I know that I will need this even more than I do right now.
It often takes more than I can muster to give it all I have at my job. I can only imagine what that will look like once I am back full time. But for now I must remember, we must remember, that we need to be a better you, for you. And so over this long weekend, even though I may not have socialized with anybody I know that that’s ok. I accept myself unconditionally.