This works not only for running but also for depression. I have learned that you need to train your mind to be tougher than your emotions. It’s hard though when it’s your mind that is sick; but it will take you so much further than you ever thought possible. Just because you are struggling doesn’t mean that you are failing. Every great run, every great success, whether it be a day or just a glimpse of a moment, needs some kind of struggle to get there. If you knew how powerful your thoughts are you would never think a negative thought again. Depression takes that control away from you.
What I hope people realize is that I’m not faking being sick, I’m actually faking being well. I usually feel like I’m either vibrating at an unhealthy level, where I’m drowning in my own mind or I’m isolated in the depths of depression. When you’re on the outside it may seem like I’m fine, because a fake smile goes a long way to those who don’t know. But the reality is that I’m just holding on tight for dear life.
Running isn’t for the weak, pretty ones. Living with depression isn’t for them either. They are both about the fight and the sweat. It’s about pushing through the pain and becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable most of the time. It’s about throbbing legs and hearts and waking to a pain in the middle of the night that is strong enough to wake the dead. It’s about getting out the door, or getting out of bed when you would rather do anything else. It’s about finding reality in the dreams about having the passion that you need to live each and every day. It’s about the lonely road, when you have no company and still pushing ahead when there is not a single soul there to cheer you on. They are both about finding and keeping the desire to train, to continue and persevere until every fibre in your body and mind and heart have turned to steel. When you’ve finally fought long and hard enough you will have become the best runner you can be, or the best survivor that day. That’s all that you can ask for, because you should run when you don’t want to and continue to fight when you can’t fathom another moment of pain, because that’s when you need it most.