By no surprise, only disappointment, did a dark time recently come shadowing down over me. You know when the weather is going to change and you can feel it in the air, the way the night feels, the wind on your face, the smell in the air and the way the leaves rustle – well that is how I knew that some bad weather was headed my way. Oh my, and when it got here, did it ever rain. Not just small showers here and there, but tears of rain that appeared out of nowhere with no warning signs; and boy did it ever pour. And just when you thought mother nature couldn’t possibly produce any more rain, another storm hits. It rained in the morning, the middle of the day, when I was driving and all night. And I felt no better. It’s so challenging to be around people while trying to hold back your tears.
Lately people and social events have been my weakness. I want nothing more than to be alone, at home, doors locked and in bed with my meds that make me calm and tired; however my sister in law said something to me today that got me out of the house. I confided in her that I haven’t ran and it’s because I’ve been so down that I can’t get myself dressed let alone out the door. Her reply to me was “wait a minute, isn’t running the thing that makes you happy?” Thank you for listening to me Meo you’re right, it does. I could only log a short 4 km before I came inside to lay down. It’s all I could muster up. I feel like such a waste. There are expectations that are out of reach today.
I have a social commitment this afternoon that I should really go to. I don’t want to bring “Fake Erica”. I hate her. I want to bring “Real Erica” – the girl who loves to laugh and smile, but I don’t know if I can find her today. I don’t know where she is hiding. Is she mad at me? Did I do something wrong?
So I leave you today with this …. when you’re down, run it outta there. It does not belong in your heart. Be patient, things never stay where they don’t belong.