It’s Not Black or White

I don’t believe in God, or an after life. I believe in memories, hearts and people. But I also believe things are rarely black and white.

I don’t think God gave me Tunie. But I believe there is a reason why she is here. I believe she was meant for me for so many reasons. I am forever grateful for her, for her lessons, for her personality, for her love. I believe I was given to her so that she could be loved and taken care of. To teach her that life can be good, that someone wants to take care of her forever. It’s truly a match made in heaven. But I don’t believe in heaven, so I guess it’s a match made from love and perfect, specific timing from the universe. I promise her that I will keep her safe and protected and I think she has promised me to keep me unconditionally loved.

I guess my love for her is black and white. I will love her forever. But the depth of the reasons why I love her are grey. How lucky do two beings have to be in order to fall for each other at exactly the right time in the right way.

So many things are not black and white. Depression is most definitely not black and white. It’s all the saddest shades of grey. I have learned that I am more than the darkness found in those greys. I am more than the stigma that is associated with mental illness.

One of the main reasons why I am functioning at a productive level is due to being on medication. It allows me to be who I truly am. It lets me be me more than I ever could when I wasn’t medicated. I finally feel like myself and it’s wonderful. I am grateful for finally finding the right combination that is right for me. Please don’t judge when you see someone with multiple bottles on their counter. Please don’t think that we can do better without them. Don’t tell us just to be happy. They have gotten me to a place where I can do the things that I want to do. They have let me have the strength to handle teaching and my career. They have allowed me to properly love people, to properly love Tunie and to love myself. They have opened me up to love; and so I am not afraid of medication.

Who you were, who you are, and who you will become are three very different people. Be proud of the journey for it’s not going to be black and white, but my goodness, grey can be a beautiful colour.

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