My Choice to be Child Free

For as long as I can remember, I’ve never had the urge to have children of my own, and I am content with this decision. My decision to not have children is not an impulsive one. It is well thought out and it is one that I don’t want people around me trying to convince me otherwise.

I will not live my life childless, because that implies that something is missing. I will live my life childfree, because I have made the choice to not have babies, and I am happy with said choice.

I’ve been lucky enough that most people in my life are supportive and understanding of my choice (or they just knew to keep their opinions to themselves) regardless, I appreciate the support. I have been asked “What if you meet the man of your dreams and you change your mind?” To which I reply, “Then he’s not the one for me and I’m not the one for him.” And I truly mean that. In my head I’m actually thinking, “Well will you change your mind about your children? No? Then I shouldn’t be expected to either.”

Womanhood is not the same as motherhood, and this is something that I think society needs to understand, before you automatically ask someone when they are going to have kids, or why they don’t have kids. I also don’t need my own children in order to fulfil my maternal instincts. This can be done in many ways: through my career as a teacher, through my nieces and nephews, through adopting my wonderful little kitties and so on.  I can care for, love, nurture and raise littles because I am a caring and nurturing person, not necessarily only because I am a woman.

My career in teaching lets me have an influence on many kid’s lives, yet I know that if I were to have my own, something would have to slide. Either my career as an educator, my career as a mother or my ability to take care of myself would go by the wayside, and that is just something I was not okay with. Of course there are people out there who do both and do both extremely well, but from what I know of myself and the journey I have been on through self-care, I just knew that I would not be able to do both. And so I guess it comes down to choosing me over anything else, and I am quite comfortable with that.

So I recently made the choice to have the surgery to make it so I would no longer be able to have children. To me, this was the responsible choice for my life, although I had been told that I was being irresponsible by taking away this option for my future. I disagree because, it would irresponsible for me to bring a baby into this world when I wasn’t ready for it and it would be irresponsible for me, someone who struggles to care of herself mentally to ask myself to care for another being to the extent that I would need to in order to properly raise a child.

And so, as I continue on this journey of self-care, I have made the decision to continue to put myself first so that I can take care of me. In so, doing what is best for me, and my future. And I feel nothing but comfort and confidence in my decision to do so.

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